The Ache We Try to Decorate at Christmas

When most people hear the word “leadership,” they picture someone standing at the front of the room, giving orders, or holding the spotlight. But here’s the truth: leadership is not about you. It’s not about the position, the title, or the perks. Leadership is selflessness. Why this is hard Everything around us says the opposite. The world teaches us to climb the ladder, build our brand, make it all about “me.” We scroll social media and it screams louder: “Promote yourself. Get noticed. Show off your wins.” And yet - look around. People are hungry for leaders who actually care. Not leaders who want something from them, but leaders who want something for them. Selfless leadership looks like this: Giving up your seat so someone else can sit. Listening when you’d rather talk. Putting your people in the spotlight instead of grabbing it for yourself. It’s not glamorous. Sometimes it’s even painful. But it’s real. The leaders who stick with us Think back on the leaders who changed you. Maybe it was a coach, a teacher, a boss, a parent. The ones who left a mark weren’t the ones shouting or demanding recognition. They were the ones who made you feel like you mattered. I’ve had leaders in my life who picked me up when I didn’t believe in myself. And I’ve also had leaders who made everything about them. Guess which ones I still want to follow? Exactly. Selflessness in action Selfless leadership means three things to me: Selflessness means sacrifice.John Maxwell says, “A leader must give up to go up.” That’s true. The higher you go in leadership, the less it’s about you. You give up your comfort, your time, sometimes even your recognition. You may never get the credit, but you’re okay with that because your people win. Selflessness means serving. People are not here to make your dream happen. You’re here to help them become who they’re meant to be. The best leaders I know are servants. They don’t see people as tools for success — they see people as the success. Selflessness means seeing beyond yourself. Leaders who only think about their own image might win for a moment, but they don’t last. Legacy belongs to those who invest in others. The tension we all feel Now, let me be real: this is hard. Everything in me wants to look out for myself first. I fail at this plenty. I can drift into self-protection, self-promotion, self-preservation. But when I’m at my best, I’m looking outward. Because leadership is not about getting ahead. It’s about bringing others with you. A biblical picture Philippians 2:3-4 says it clearly: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” That’s leadership. Jesus Himself modeled it. The Son of God washed the feet of His disciples. He gave His life for others. That’s the ultimate picture of leadership — selfless sacrifice. The challenge for us So here’s the question: who are you lifting up today? It’s not about you. It’s about the people you influence. It’s about the teammate who needs encouragement, the employee who needs a chance, the kid who needs someone to believe in them. The world has enough bosses. What it needs are leaders who walk into every room not asking “What can I get?” but “What can I give?” That’s when people follow. That’s when trust is built. That’s when lives change. Because leadership — real leadership — is selflessness.